A Pleasure Cruise?
by An Fhomhair
Summary: RENTfic. Ok, it's goofy but I had to do it: Angel and Collins think that the Bohemians need a bonding experience, and plan one...a vacation to Santa Fe!
1. We're Going Where?

**Disclaimer: how many times do I have to say this: I do not own Rent, you idiot!**

**A/N: I should be working on 'Munkustrap's Bad Day'…or 'Shattered'…or even 'She's Leaving Home'…but instead I had a stupid, weird idea to write a multi-chapter RENTfic, so, here it is, poppets.**

Angel Dumott-Schunard and Tom Collins peered around the corner. "Is the coast clear? No-one's looking?" whispered Angel. Collins nodded, grinning secretively. Silently they crept over-

"BOO!" Collins and Angel screamed.

"Aaaaaaahhhh!" their good friend Roger Davis toppled backwards off his bed, and all three heard a hollow thud as his Fender guitar went with him. Roger's blond head appeared as he got up and dusted himself off. "You two! That was not-"

"Funny?" Mark Cohen entered the room, just on cue. "Sorry, Rog, but anything that makes you scream like a girl is funny." He smirked at the guitarist, who merely rolled his eyes.

"Damn straight." Agreed Collins.

Roger rubbed his head where he had hit the floor. "God, you bastards. What was that about, anyways?"

Angel smiled. "We just wanted to scare you guys!" he said. "No, honestly: we're going to Santa Fe!"

"Really?" said Mark. "Well, have fun." Angel and Collins laughed.

"We're all going!" he added, "Maureen and Mimi and Joanne, too."

Roger rolled his eyes sarcastically. "God, Mark, you're such a retard. You should have known we're ALL going, dur."

The bespectacled blond looked confused. "What, am I the only one who didn't know about this?"

"No." said Roger. "What the hell is going on?"

"We're going on vacation to Santa Fe!" yelled Collins and Angel in unison.

"But-"

"No buts about it!" Collins shook his head. "Get packing, boys."

"Be back in a few, sweeties!" Angel called cheerfully as he and Collins headed out the door. Roger and Mark stood for a moment, their mouths hanging open, both with the identical 'what-are-they-doing' look on their faces. Then they turned to each other and shrugged.

"Tell me, why are we doing this, again?" said Maureen skeptically as the seven friends sat in the airport.

"Because," Angel explained patiently, "This family needs a good bonding experience."

"So?"

"Well…don't you think of a vacation as a bonding experience?"

"Ummm…" Maureen glanced over at Mark, Joanne, Mimi, and Roger, who were arguing heatedly over something. All she could make out were the curse words. "Um, sure, Angel. Just keep thinking that."

"I knew you'd agree with me!" Angel replied cheerfully as Collins walked over and sat down next to him. "You think this is a good idea, don't you? No-one's going to hate me after this?"

"Of course, baby!" Collins replied. Honestly, he had his doubts- it was hard not to after seeing Maureen and Joanne go at it on the way to the air port- but, naturally, he didn't tell his lover that.

"Oh, good!" said Angel, looking reassured, and gave Collins a quick kiss. A little girl standing nearby who was probably three or four, and did not know any better, turned to her mother and asked her, in a very sweet and innocent voice, if 'that was a girl or a boy' (pointing at Angel). The mother looked rather alarmed; the bohemians snickered.

"That is a…yucky…person." Replied the girl's mother, quite a bit too loudly. (Obviously she had never learned basic manners!) "repeat after me…transvestites are yucky!"

"Transvestites are yucky!" said the little girl obliviously.

"Hey!" exclaimed Mimi angrily. "Who are you calling 'yucky'?"

Collins put his arms around Angel, who was looking deeply hurt. "Yeah, are you insulting my favourite transvestite?"

"I think you're yucky!" Mark and Maureen chimed in simultaneously at the lady, who now looked rather scared, as though the East Villagers were going to eat her for dinner. (Of course, we never know...)

"Come on, let's go somewhere else." Said Joanne, glaring at the woman. "And if anybody else says something, I'll put my dearies to good use!" she beamed, tapping the sole of one of her Doc Martens.

Therefore, the 'yucky issue' (as it was nicknamed), the fuming group of fiends trooped off to find a different area. Suddenly Angel smiled. "Collins, can I ask you something?"

"…sure!"

" Darling, am I really your favourite transvestite?"

**A/N: Sorry if this chapter was a bit short, and if it didn't include much detail…I usually write with a lot more detail, and more text in between dialogue, but I'll work on that next chapter. Updates may take a little while, because I don't have any of the other chapters written out. Now if you bothered to read it, you could at least do me the decency of reviewing…pweese? .:Jemima eyes:.**

**Le gra go deo,**

**Ep**


	2. Planes Suck

**Disclaimer: If I owned RENT do you think Angel would have died? **

**A/N: Hallo, people, here's the second chapter, hope you like it! Review comments/answers are always at the bottom. **

**A Pleasure Cruise? Chapter Two**

"One thousand two-hundred sixty-seven…one thousand two-hundred sixty-eight…one thousand two-hundred sixty-nine…" Mark Cohen counted monotonously. "One thousand two-hundred seventy-"

"Mark, what are you _doing_?" Angel leaned across Roger to speak to his friend; Mark kept his eyes turned upwards, to the ceiling, while he answered.

"I'm counting the little dots on the ceiling." Roger snorted loudly at this reply, and Mark turned to glare at the guitarist before continuing to count. "One thousand two-hundred seventy-one…one thousand two-hundred seventy-two…" A loud thud from across the aisle interrupted him, as Maureen's suitcase came crashing down on Collins's head. The other six Bohemians winced visibly.

"Owwww!" howled Collins, subsequently shouting a string of rather nasty words while Maureen gathered up her suitcase and secured it in the luggage compartment, apologizing frantically.

"I didn't _mean_ to drop the suitcase on your head!" she insisted. "It was a complete accident! Why would I-"

"Oh, like the time you _accidentally _threw a pot of scalding hot tea at me?" Roger put in helpfully. Maureen scowled at him and took her seat next to Joanne.

"Yes, Mr. Davis, you are right. That was also an accident. Now, it would be nice if you'd quit being an ass!" Maureen replied haughtily, in true diva fashion. Roger smirked at her, as a voice came over the intercom, announcing that the plane was about to take off and everyone ought to fasten their seatbelts and become familiar with the emergency equipment, lest the plane crash or blow up or anything else of that sort happens.

Roger suddenly looked worried. "Where's Mimi?" The plane had begun to roll down the runway.

To this Angel turned to him and quite calmly said, "Oh, we left her at the airport. Didn't think you would notice." Roger paled. "I'm just kidding, Rog! Damn! You really don't trust us that much?" Angel's words were punctuated by alternating retching and gagging noises coming from the seat in behind him; Angel groaned in response. "Already, Meems?"

"Oh," Collins said uncomfortably "So that's why she wanted to sit by herself." There was an awkward pause.

"Ehhh…." Said Mark, who looked a little bit green himself.

Thankfully, Collins had the sense to change the subject. "Hangman, anyone?" Joanne and Maureen obliged.

"Nah." Said Roger, who had taken out his guitar- and, yes, he brought his guitar with him on the plane- and was strumming it possibly as loudly as he could. Mark gave his roommate a dirty look.

"Honestly," the blonde Jewish boy hissed at Roger, "Are you just trying to attract attention to yourself?" Mark was easily embarrassed, and especially so by Roger and the silly things he did to get attention.

"Maybe." Roger picked absently at the e-string. "Or maybe people just naturally notice me, seeing as I am _so _fucking sexy…." Mark rolled his eyes.

"Well, could you please stop trying to flaunt your good looks and make a spectacle of yourself? It's highly embarrassing "

Roger took this as a sign that Mark wanted him to be even more humiliating. "Hmm," he said, "This should be fun. The 'Let's-Embarrass-Marky' game!" Roger picked up his suitcase, which he had left under his seat. "You got enough air inside there?" he said, unzipping the side enough to peer in. He turned to Angel. "Yeah, they're still okay!" he said faux-seriously.

"Oh, good." Angel replied, playing along. "Then it hasn't begun to stink yet?"

"No." said Roger. The people who had already been glancing curiously at a guitar-playing passenger were now staring. Some of them looked amused, others just really disturbed. Mark's cheeks were glowing. "Did you stay out in the sun too long, Cohen?" said Roger cheerfully.

Mark merely rolled his eyes, then said, "Was that game of hangman ever actually started?"

"Yes." Joanne called to him from across the aisle. "Maureen took the time to design specific features for the hanged man." Mark leaned over to look; the figure was a black man in a suit, with a nametag that read, 'Hello, my name is Benny'.

"Ingenious." Mark remarked to Maureen, who grinned and twisted around in her seat in order to show the picture to Mimi.

"Hey, Meems, how do you like-"

A retching fit ensued.

"Oh, fuck…never mind."

Mark was starting to look green again- he was the most squeamish of the others- so Mimi excused herself to the lavatory, much to the relief of the passengers sitting across from her. Collins looked at Angel, raising his eyebrows. "Well, darlin', aren't we off to a good start."

"Just what I was thinking, honey."

"I hate planes. I hate planes. I hate planes. I haaaaaaaaaaaate plaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanes!" Maureen finished off her song, then turned to her girlfriend. "There, Joanne. I did just what you said, sweetie: I did something _productive_, right? I wrote a song. Happy now?"

Joanne rolled her eyes at her lover as she replied sarcastically, "Yes, and what an original song it is, too. 'I Hate Planes'. I'm sure _nobody _will_ ever _guess where the title came from, seeing as it's the SINGLE phrase, repeated over and over for twenty minutes to the tune of 'Jingle Bells'-"

Maureen glared back at Joanne. "Oh, please! Don't you have a sense of humour? You never take any of my jokes lightly."

"If that joke is referring to a condom in my purse, no I don't." muttered the lawyer. This time it was Maureen who rolled her eyes.

"See! She has no sense of humour! None at all!" she proclaimed to no-one in particular besides the luggage compartment and the seats.

Mark had taken out his camera and begun to film as he narrarated: "Oh, yes, I remember the little 'jokes' that dear Mo played on me, too. You're not alone, Joanne- there was the _joke _that involved getting me, Collins, Roger, and Benny drunk and trying to seduce us all and have a…five-some. Then there was the one about telling Benny all the details of our sex life. Then-"

"Oh, Marky, you're exaggerating!" exclaimed Maureen. "It wasn't really all that-"

"Am I _exaggerating _when I remember the time that you forced me to get dressed up in a dress and heels, because you said it was for Roger's birthday, to give him a laugh, and then you sent the pictures to my Mom with a note telling her that he son had turned to cross-dressing. Oh, ha ha. What a _joke _that was."

"Well…" Maureen rolled her eyes. "Okay, Mark, you win. Damn, how do you remember all that stuff, anyways?"

"Believe me, you would remember, too, if the joke was on you."

"Would I?"

The others winced, seeing another argument coming on. Roger sighed, and, putting his Fender down, he folded his arms behind his head. "This is goin' to be a hell of a long plane ride, isn't it?"

-finis chapter-

**Reviews!**

**Kittykatgoil1899, THEFElineOFAvenueB, Elphie Marky, godessofwisdom: Thanks for all the praise dearies! You rock! **

**WithoutYou19: Um thanks...you know I really should have made the lady a guy, named Connor, but I'm too nice. -.-**

**Dave The L's Gal: Yes, Angel needs to be stood up for! .:punches fist in the air:. Cross dressers rock! XD**

**Koishii- Kitsune- Akira: Yay cookies! Much thanks. Also thanks for reviewing my other stories! **

**Born2BBad: Yes, you are right, I probably should pay more attention to how in character they are. Thanks:)**

**Thanks to everybody, and if there's anything that I could make better on the story, PLEASE tell me! Constructive crit. really helps. Well, see ya.**

**veel liefs, Eponine**


	3. Finally There

**Disclaimer: not mine, not mine, not mine…**

**A Pleasure Cruise? **

**Chapter Two**

"How long is this damn plane ride, anyways?" Roger yawned. He was slumped in his seat, a fast-asleep Mark's head on his shoulder. He shifted slightly, causing the film-maker to mumble something about bunny muffins in his sleep.

Collins looked at his friend and rolled his eyes in exasperation. "Rog, the dude on the intercom just said that we're landing in five minutes." Angel, who was hanging on Collins's shoulder, giggled.

"What the fuck?" exclaimed Maureen, starting.

"Ok, so nobody was listening besides me. I knew you guys were overly ADD, but I _didn't_ know you suffered from short-term memory loss." Collins observed sarcastically.

"Actually, Tom, I was listening." Maureen replied. "I just wanted to try being annoying as hell, like Roger!"

Roger sat up, raising one eyebrow at her. "Annoying? Well, 'Reen, it _was _pretty damn annoying when you lived in the loft, and you and Mark used to-"

"No, no, stop! I'll never insult you again! Don't tell them that!" Begged the performer in a pathetic expression of desperation.

"Shit, Mo, I was only joking." Roger smirked. "I won't tell…probably not, anyways." He laughed and the still-sleeping Mark slipped off his shoulder and into his lap. "Now, Mark, my shoulder's okay, but don't you think my _lap _is going a little too far…although I know I'm too fucking sexy for anyone to resist…" Mark snored, as if in response.

Joanne cut in, "Actually, Roger, you're wrong there." The lawyer said smugly. "And don't embarrass the poor boy while he's sleeping! Look, he's out like a rock- fireworks wouldn't wake him."

Roger, ever-argumentative, "How d'you know? Everybody wakes up during fireworks."

Maureen answered for her girlfriend. "If you'll remember, Marky's slept while sparks were flying between me and you back at the loft, dumbass." She adjusted herself in Joanne's lap. "If the boy can sleep through that much hell let loose, he can sleep through anything, I'm telling you."

"Except maybe you and Jo fighting." Roger shot back at her, laughing. Angel and Collins, meanwhile, were watching this whole conversation back and forth with looks of extreme amusement on their faces, as was Mimi( the poor girl had finally stopped retching and gotten over her plane sickness.)

"Well, don't move him anyways, he'll wake up." Said Collins. "Poor kid doesn't get any sleep at home, he might as well now." He looked out the window. "We're landing!" he added as the plane rolled down the runway.

"Oh." Said Mimi.

"Hm." Said Roger.

"Eh." Said Joanne.

"Meh." Said Maureen.

"HOORAY!" exclaimed Angel cheerfully. The plane jolted to a stop, and Mark suddenly jerked awake.

"Wha…" he mumbled, looking slightly dazed, his glasses dangling off the end of his nose. Roger reached down to shove them back into place.

"Okay, now you can get your head fucking _off _me." Muttered the guitarist, who looked a bit red. "Collins wouldn't let me move you, that bitch…" Collins, Mark and Roger all laughed.

"Well, the man may be a bitch sometimes, but he's my bitch." Angel told Roger, smiling, with a philosophical air. "Right, honey?"

Now Collins was the one blushing. "Oh…just get off the plane, dammit!"

**A/N: I'm veryveryveryvery sorry about the lack of updates for the past, um… two months just about. O.o It won't be that long this time, just a week or two, because I'm pretty busy until Jan. 21st. As always, thanks for reviewing and if there's anything I could improve, please tell me! Thanks! Also- next chapter, I will actually have something HAPPEN. (gasp!) And I will actually start to develop a real plot. This was more of a transition chapter, and I know there wasn't much going on. :3 Well, stay tuned.**

**Le gra go deo,**

**Eponine**


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